Miscellaneous Quotes
- Life is sexually transmitted.
- Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back
seat cause kids.
- It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden
stop at the end.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
- Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip
around the sun.
- The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're
in the bathroom.
- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on
my knees.
- Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he
hates that).
- Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
- When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
else decide to play chess?
- If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your
seat belt.
- The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's
open.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
- There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one
can die.
- It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
- Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better
attorney.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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